DRUMROLL~~~~5LBS!

In 1 week I have lost a total of 5 lbs. WHOOOOO!!! OK, so I know I won't lose that every week, but man I needed to see that on the scales today. Late night desires for snacks are still getting to me, I don't give in, but sure do want to! So that is my biggest battle right now.I am on the second week of my walking regimen, started today.It is hard. My legs are so sore tonight and my family has had much fun at my expense. I also took pics today for later comparison. I am a visual person, so I will need to be able to look back and see the weight gone! OK, gotta get to bed seems to be the easiest way to stay away from snacking..LOL

Brown~ 20 minutes on the elliptical today~~GO ME!

Day 3 Feeling Good!

Ok, NO this will not turn into a blog about my new healthy life. BUT, for now, yep that is what it is! Today I walked twice, once this morning and again this evening. It relaxes me, gives me time to think about things and a welcomed break from the kids being home on Spring Break. I drank 80 oz. of water today and wrote down all of what I ate for the day. I will share.....small bagel with tsp. cream cheese for breakfast, broccoli with butter salt for lunch, some grapes in between lunch and dinner, 4oz. steak, baked potato with a tsp. butter and more broccoli for dinner. I feel totally full and have yet to feel the need to run grab the bag of Doritos..LOL. I need suggestions for what I am going to do on Thursday when it rains all day??? I will not walk in the rain (yes, I would melt, I am made out of sugar ya know). I have an Elliptical machine, isn't that for hanging clothes on though?? No, really, I hate it! My feet hurt when I am on it, it seems so long and boring, so help me! OK, so maybe a little pain and extra time would be OK, or not?

Day 2 of Getting Healthy

I love this program! It totally motivates me to get my butt moving. I also found someone to do it with me, that makes it sooo much easier. What I like best is that I walk a total of 20 minutes... walk 5 minutes, stop, do 15 of these exercises, walk 10 minutes, stop, do 30 exercises, walk 5 more minutes getting you home. Once your home you do 1 minute of "reeds" and your done! Of course that is this week and next week gets harder, still only 20 minutes of actual walking, continuing the exercises I am dong and add in squats, the third week even harder. But I am determined and I will post my weight loss once a week. I am drinking my water, watching what I eat and trying to steer clear of snacking to much. I already feel better, just knowing I am doing something. Maybe I won't dread summer and bathing suit season quite so much :-)

Getting Healthy

I don't talk about this often, but today I am going to. My weight is such an issue for me. I am heavier right now than I have ever been in my life. So while standing in the check-out line at the grocery, I saw a magazine called "First" and in big bold letters it said "Walk OFF 96% More Fat" Well let me tell you, 5 years ago I had some left over "baby" weight and to get it off I start walking 2 miles a night. It worked! I lost inches, weight and I felt so good about me and then I began to get depressed over M and I gained it all back and then some, er, alot. So, today, I vowed to get to steppin...I am going to get the weight off, be healthier for my kids and hubby and feel better about me. I am following the article in the magazine versus walking my usual 2 miles as it makes more sense to do what it says. Kim Lyons from "The Biggest Loser" outlines how to do this 3 week walking, exercise program to boost your metabolism and help you lose weight and tone your muscles as you are doing it.

Now, this is where you all come in, I NEED SUPPORT! I really need an accountability person, but since you all are not here and I could lie to you, LOL, just an occasional pop in would help greatly. I love food! Really love it! So, the walking and exercise will not be a problem however, passing on the foods that are bad for me and the stress eating that I do, will be. Anyone have any suggestions on how to keep from eating when I am stressed, pass them on.

Oh food. Go Away. Just for a little while??

Dale Jr. 88

Oh Dale! For those that don't know, I LOVE Dale Jr. Nascar is ok, but I love me some Dale. You may ask, What is it about Dale that I love? Well, it isn't that he is HAWT, because really, he isn't what I consider HAWT, rather I think he is just so damn cute I could, uhm, well, I love him! The past 6 years have been tough for Dale, with the loss of his daddy and then having to deal with his witch of a step-mom and all things dealing with DEI, I am so glad that he is now with Hendricks where he WILL succeed. He has the pole for tomorrow, sure would love to see him give Hendricks their first win of the year!! If you don't know anything about him, check him out. You don't have to like Nascar to love Dale,just a good guy, a guy you would be proud for your daughter to bring home to you. GO #88!!!! WHOOOOO!

I am OK, is that a bad thing?

So, I have been thinking alot about why I am so calm about the lack of contact from M. Surely I should be upset and devestated that I have not heard from him since C-mas, right? Now, don't get me wrong, I think about it, I make up crazy reasons in my mind as to why there is a lack of contact, I even get upset occasionally, but I work hard at not letting it consume my daily life. But, but, then I get upset that I am not upset, that there are days when it just doesn't matter, that it is what it is. I reflect back on the 10 years of not knowing if he was dead or alive, I remember that there were days that I was devestated and then there were days where "it is what it is" so maybe it is a way of protecting myself? Maybe it is my way of dealing with it? But I worry so much about becoming emotionally unattached to it all and honestly, some days, I just get tired of caring. It hurts. Maybe it always will. I know he is young, I know he is consumed with all the things kids his age are supposed to be consumed with, maybe that is why I am ok most days, because I finally know that he is alive, healthy, and doing what he is suppose to be doing at this time in his life. So, with all this knowledge I claim to have, why do I still feel guilty for being ok? Not that I want to go back to being the whine bag that I was when I didn't know where he was, but will I grow cold? Will my heart learn to live without him and be ok with it? I don't want to be ok, being ok seems to say "I don't care" and I do care. I do.

So, tonight, I miss him, I love him and I want to remind myself that 17 yrs ago I said I would always care, I would always be here and I will. I Promise.

Feb 19, my last post, OMG...

How does time go so fast? How do I spend so many hours on this computer and yet never seem to make time to blog? I have TONS of thoughts running inside my head, lots to talk about and yet I don't make the time to come here and get them out. So much is going on that I don't think I even know where to begin. Hubby being laid off has caused alot of stress over here, financial stress sucks! Thankfully our marriage is strong enough to handle it, but I tell you, the toll it is taking on me physically is awful. I am in the 3rd week of pain in my shoulder. I know it is tension and stress, icy hot helps for a brief time but I need the pain to go away.for good. The ex continues to be an ass, could careless to help out during this time, thinks his child support is enough. M hasn't made contact with me since C-mas, kinda irritated about that. I dropped him an email at the first of Feb., no response. I did find out that his sister is having a wonderful relationship with her birth family and is contemplating moving to the state in which they live, so wonder if that may have something to do with him not contacting me. Is his mother having a hard time dealing with J's new found relationship and M doesn't want to add to it? I sure hope he isn't taking on that responsibility, but I can understand if he is.

F has his first game tomorrow night, he has worked hard. I hope they win! He has done well dealing with the loss of his friend, however he did mention him tonight. I think he is afraid to "forget" him, poor kids, I hate that they have had to deal with something this tragic at such a young age.

K, Q, & J are all doing well. I am blessed to have such wonderful kids, but don't let them fool you, they all have their days...LOL

Well, for tonight that is all I have. So much more I could ramble about, especially if we want to talk adoption and stereotypes, but ahh for tonight I am too tired.

Hope everyone is well!