Losing my mind

My ex is at it again. The man is insane! I have a tracker on my MySpace, tonight I saw that he had visited it so I went to visit his, what do you think I found????? Pictures of our bson that he downloaded from our bson's MySpace. I swear if he screws this all up before I get a chance to get it started I will kill him. I am not sure that statement is made with any humor at all, I am seriously pissed right now. Who does he think he is, does he really think he can waltz in and be daddy??? He can't even be the kind of dad his kids need right now let alone to the son he wanted to place for adoption. M has a dad, he died of a brain tumor a few years ago, and I think my ex has this grand idea that he might "need" him since his dad has died. I just want to scream "Educate yourself dumb ass" He has never read the first thing about adoptees, reunion, adoption. He has lived 17 years in denial and now all of a sudden he wants to be a dad to him. I want to put something on my MySpace that says "If anyone comes across my ex's MySpace, nothing he has done or said has any bearing on me and his opinions are his own along with his stupidity"

*SIGH* I have talked to him before, this is not the first time he has done something this stupid. How do I make him understand that he could jepordize the relationship before it ever happens?? I understand that this is hard for him too, I do. But how dare he after 17 years of not giving a shit think that he can just come in now, after all the hard work of finding him is done, and do whatever he wants to make contact. I.AM.SO.MAD.I.COULD.SPIT.

Arghhhhhhh!!!!!!!

My ex-husband is the most insensitive ass I think I know. Now, for those of you who don't really know the situation, he is the father of my bson and 3 of my children that I parent. He is currently remarried and has a son who is almost 2. I am often angry at him but for some reason today has me really pissed off! Probably because his stupidity today happens all to often, hence the reason he is an ex.

Quinton plays travel baseball, he tried out, made the team, and absolutely loves the sport of baseball. His world revolves around it, that is how much it means to him, in turn that means our world revolves around it, kinda. However, Daddy wonderful, thinks that it is only important to come when it is convenient to him. To help you understand how unreliable he is, every time the phone rings and it is him Q says "Wonder what his excuse is today?"

So, today the phone rings, it is his weekend to have the kids but because he couldn't manage to be able to get Quinton to his game on Saturday , I switched weekends and have this this weekend. He asks to speak to Q and I give him the phone, I hear "ya", "Uh huh", "why" "ok" "bye" "love you" After he hangs up I ask, whats up. He says well dad won't be at this game he has to take some needy people to the food pantry at the church.


So, to say I am pissed is an understatement! When is this man going to grow up and be the dad these kids need him to be? When are they going to come first? What makes him think that paying child support and coming to an occasional activity makes him super daddy? When is he going to realize that it takes more than being "fun time" daddy to earn their respect?