Saturday, August 25, 2007

Safe Haven

Well I know you will be shocked to hear that this is another topic that makes me want to beat my head against a wall!! First let me say that anyone of us that would judge another person, whether it be adoption related or not, is wrong. Who are we to say what, when, or how when the situation does not pertain to us and when we have not walked a mile......

I personally think that the Safe Haven laws are a good thing. Does it leave out the First Father? Yes, I guess it does. Do I believe that First Father's should have the same rights to their child as a First Mom does? I sure do! On the other hand, a first mom live 9 months of a pregnancy taking care of, making plans for, worrying about, the child that they are carrying. If the first father of an unborn child wants those same rights that she has he needs to take care of, make plans for, worry about the unborn child. Some may say "what if he isn't given the chance"? I say, that is an easy way out, he was strong enough to lay down and make a baby, he needs to be strong enough to step up to the plate, find out if the girl he slept with is pregnant (even if that includes some detective work). If he wants rights, he must do what is right!

As for the child, are they left without the possibility of knowing their first parents? Yes, I guess they are but the alternative of being left in a dumpster, canal, toilet, etc. gives them no chance at a life. So if we are talking about the best interest of the child, I think Life comes at the top of what would be best! No medical background, no knowledge of first parents, sucks, but the chance to be alive and functioning within a family that would love them and raise them as their own must count for something.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

No Revoke Period~ What are your thoughts?

I am frustrated to say the least. I have been reading the forums and come across a thread about first parents changing their minds ONE day after signing the papers to place their child and whether or not an adoptive parent would give the child back or not. Thus far a couple of adoptive mom's have said NO WAY! I am so torn on how I feel about that, since I don't feel like I can be honest about my feelings there without causing a war, I will do it here on MY blog, If I offend you, Sorry, but this is where I try to make sense of my feelings and get it out!

I can understand that "instant" love that aparents speak of with the child that still isn't theirs until TPR, I felt that same love with my child without ever having seen him, even before I could feel him in there. So I can imagine it would be hard to believe that the child you thought was going to be yours ends up not being yours. I can also understand that there are laws to protect both first parent and adoptive parents, but I don't think I could live with myself if I was holding onto a child that a first parent really wanted to keep. Now I do not believe that months later a first parent can change their minds and get their placed children back, But I DO believe there needs to be longer revocation periods, or maybe what I REALLY feel is that more expectant parents need to be counseled on their rights, one of which I didn't know, and that was that I didn't have to sign the papers at 48 hours. I could have waited for a whole week, a month, however long I would have needed to make that life altering decision, but I was not informed of that. 48 hours to the hour after my son was born I was brought the papers in my hospital room to sign, never once was I asked if I was ready to sign.

I am rambling, still trying to make sense of all of the feelings I am having. I will revisit this topic in the coming days.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

Processing My Emotions..........

I was looking at my bson's sister's Facebook account tonight and happened across a post from her to her cousin and she mentioned going to meet her bfamily (her words) in Tennessee! The wave of emotions that came over me are hard to explain. I felt excited, I felt scared, I felt disappointed, just to name a few. How does her meeting with her bfamily impact me you ask? Well, let's begin with the fact that I am excited to find out that she is going to meet them, that she has a desire to meet them and that they are also apparently open to the meeting. That says alot to me, I know that it does not necessarily mean that my bson will want the same from me but one can hope. I am scared that if things do not work out for her and her bfamily then how will that impact his desire to search and reunite with me? I am disappointed that we even have to have a "reunion", that what we had was taken away from us 10 years ago and that now I sit here with so many emotions that I can hardly process it all. I wonder how her mom is feeling about this? I wonder what impact it is having on my bson right now? Is he wishing he could know me? Is he thinking about me at all? So many questions, so few answers!!!