Wednesday, January 9, 2008

I am Blessed!

I come here to vent alot about M and the adoption but believe it or not I do know how blessed I am. I have a life outside of adoption. A wonderful husband, 4 really great kids, good friends, all in all a great life. So this post will be about 1 of those 4 great kids.

Fred~ I am so blessed to have a 15 year old teenager that still thinks I am wonderful despite my nagging and the punishments I had out. I have always known that he thinks I "rock" but some days it hits me how much he really thinks of me and how lucky I am to have such a good boy. This morning, like all mornings, he was cranky. He is like his mamma in the sense that he does not do mornings. But today, in his rush to get up and get ready and out the door in under a half an hour, he remembered to hug me tight and tell me he loved me and hopes I have a good day.....this makes my heart feel so full!!I know alot of teenagers, hell, I was one, some are like mine, more aren't. He has such a good heart, my Fred, and I am sooo proud to be his mom and so proud that he is my son!

I love you Son!

Where does the time go?

I seriously thought I had posted a New Year Post, but maybe in the midst of all the "holiday" crap I forgot? Sounds good enough, Ha! Or maybe it is because I have nothing to post about, no emails from M or his mom! He is 17, yadda yadda yadda, I know this....I know that he has a life, that he doesn't sit around obsessing over me, that he doesn't sit around searching adoption sites and giving advice, he is living his life, isn't that what I wanted? SO why the moaning and groaning from me? I just want an email, it isn't to much to ask, he said he would write, so write dammit. I want to know he is ok, not ok in the sense of alive and well but in the sense that he is ok since having heard from me. I need to know that I haven't completely turned his world upside down, that he isn't angry at me and if he is let me try to help. GAH! I don't know, this reunion shit isn't as easy as I was hoping. All the research, all the listening, all the preparation for reunion did not make me ready for this, can you really ever be ready? I don't think so! So I sit and I wait, and I hope he is well!