Saturday, August 11, 2007

No Revoke Period~ What are your thoughts?

I am frustrated to say the least. I have been reading the forums and come across a thread about first parents changing their minds ONE day after signing the papers to place their child and whether or not an adoptive parent would give the child back or not. Thus far a couple of adoptive mom's have said NO WAY! I am so torn on how I feel about that, since I don't feel like I can be honest about my feelings there without causing a war, I will do it here on MY blog, If I offend you, Sorry, but this is where I try to make sense of my feelings and get it out!

I can understand that "instant" love that aparents speak of with the child that still isn't theirs until TPR, I felt that same love with my child without ever having seen him, even before I could feel him in there. So I can imagine it would be hard to believe that the child you thought was going to be yours ends up not being yours. I can also understand that there are laws to protect both first parent and adoptive parents, but I don't think I could live with myself if I was holding onto a child that a first parent really wanted to keep. Now I do not believe that months later a first parent can change their minds and get their placed children back, But I DO believe there needs to be longer revocation periods, or maybe what I REALLY feel is that more expectant parents need to be counseled on their rights, one of which I didn't know, and that was that I didn't have to sign the papers at 48 hours. I could have waited for a whole week, a month, however long I would have needed to make that life altering decision, but I was not informed of that. 48 hours to the hour after my son was born I was brought the papers in my hospital room to sign, never once was I asked if I was ready to sign.

I am rambling, still trying to make sense of all of the feelings I am having. I will revisit this topic in the coming days.


lhjh4 said...

I had to wait 72 hours. I didn't sign for almost 2 weeks. I could have taken longer but then started to hear "It is costing the pap's 25$ a day for foster mom."
No pressure --------- please.

Tammy said...

I'm an adoptive mother. "No revoke period" is unacceptable to me.

Hubby and I decided before we were ever "matched" with an expectant parent that if, after the 10 day revoc period and before the finalization of the adoption (at about six months) the mother of our child wanted to parent, we would not stand in her way. Before the 10 days are up, she could have asked the child be returnd to her, no questions asked. We would have been heartbroken but it would have been the right thing for us to do. After the 10 days, she would have had to contest formally, but as you said, I would not have been able to live with the fact that she regretted her decision to place her child with us. How would I explain that I kept them from their first family when indeed, they wanted to parent in the end.

I would advocate for an even longer revoc period in our province, although in both our situations, the other mothers of our children have stated that a longer revoc period would not have made a difference in their decision (in fact both had said that they felt a sense of relief when the 10 days were up).

AS for the deadline to sign, the new mother has to wait at least (and it is AT LEAST...) 24 hours before signing. I don't think that minimum time is long enough and I've said as much but the answers I get are all about the logistics of what to do with the baby if the new mother doesn't feel like she can care for the child at that moment, the paparents aren't willing to take the child with them until papers are signed and the hospital policy is dismissal within 24 hours if everyone is healthy. I find it unacceptable and encouraged DS's first mother to take a longer time if she needed it (was to naive/ignorant the first time around) but she refused. She had another son at home she wanted to get back to.

I for one don't understand how paparents can already be bonded that early to a child that isn't theirs. But then, both of our situations were very short (48 hours, 2 weeks) "matches".

Good grief... I went on and on. I just found you are appreciate your perspective. Will be back.