Monday, December 3, 2007

My child is NOT a gift to be given away like a pair of socks!

It has been a long night. Not sure if I can even form a coherent post, but I will give it a try. I checked the ex's myspace tonight and found this:

This has been the best birthday ever , I got a wish and prayer answered after 17 years , A new promotion a great church family and great friends and the best kids ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And then I found this:

I feel that Adoption is the most wonderful gift for one couple, and the most heartbreaking reality for another, Giving a gift to a couple that otherwise would not be able to have a child, is a selfless act. But by giving them up out of LOVE , is knowing the child will have a brighter future. Eventhough the choice is a very hard one, the child welfair is the main goal. Although the reality is knowing there a child out there that your heart will alway yern for always.

And some times the couple try to stay together but no amount of true love can keep them together!!!! because the feeling and heartbreak of having a child and giving up a child you start to blame the other person !!! It took two people to sign to give up the child (but if one person said no maybe the other one could have changed there mind? The couple that loved, laugh, cried ,and where soul mate forever IS NO MORE ??!!??

First off, let's agree he can not spell or write, mmmmmk! Next let's look at what I see wrong with both sets of "thoughts" from Wonder Daddy. When I read the first one about his best birthday ever, I got a funny feeling that he was in contact with M and it really pissed me off. SO I call him, ask him if he has made contact with M (already knowing that he did a couple months ago) He played dumb, repeated my question, and we played this game for a few minutes before he finally confessed that he did contact him and that M had emailed him back. To say that I am hurt is putting it mildly, as I sit here waiting for a return email from M myself. Then to know that Wonder Daddy didn't share this email with me hurts me as well, because, well, I shared all the information that I worked 10 long years, all by myself to get ,with him. How I long to see his words even in typed formation, and he couldn't share that with me??? I am devestated, I did it the right way, I contacted his mom and she in turn was able to ask him if he wanted to hear from me. I put him in the driver's seat, his bfather disregarded all the right things and went in head strong and he comes out with an email. Can someone tell me what is wrong with this picture??

The second thing, MY child was not a gift to J&D. He wasn't a cool pair of shoes, he wasn't a cute pair of socks, HE WAS A BABY in need of a home. I hate that, but it is the truth. Wonder Daddy thinks this is the best thing he has ever done, he is a hero. He gave a childless couple a baby (though he forgets they already had adopted one and J had 2 kids from a previous marriage, or hmm, maybe he didn't know that since he wouldn't get to know them or meet them) HE gave them a gift. Funny, I didn't feel like I was giving them a gift, I felt like I had just ripped my heart out and handed it to them.

Apparently now, in his tiny little brain, he blames me. If one person had said no, then maybe the other would have changed their mind? Hmmm, funny, The way I see it was, Maybe if someone had taken responsibility for their actions, stepped up to the plate and been the dad M needed him to be, I wouldn't have been scared to death that I would have to raise a child on my own. Neither here nor there, but I didn't do it alone and neither did he, sure seems like he wants me to take the blame.

Not today Wonder Daddy, Not TODAY.


erased said...

Oh man Michelle, this is so typical of male adoptees and their Our son can not WAIT to talk to his Dad, but has to be "prompted" to call his Mom. He relates so much to his Dad, but feels sadness from his Mom. Males do not "do" emotion and we adoptees~ tend to avoid it in general. I also "took" to my Dad and was not comfy around my mom.Her pain (although not expressed) made me want to bolt. Yet I searched for ONLY my mom and was completely HOSTILE about ever meeting my dad.
I wish I could make it different for you and all the Moms.It seems to be a part of the baggage;~(( for some adoptees.
((((((adoptee HUGS)))))))

Brown =) said...

I am so standing up and applauding you!!!!

It must have felt REAL good to write that!

(((HUGS))) from your twin!

Michelle said...

I could say so much, but then I would probably get writers cramp and you have said alot already. Men are evil and must be destroyed...LOL
love ya!