Arghhhhhhh!!!!!!!

My ex-husband is the most insensitive ass I think I know. Now, for those of you who don't really know the situation, he is the father of my bson and 3 of my children that I parent. He is currently remarried and has a son who is almost 2. I am often angry at him but for some reason today has me really pissed off! Probably because his stupidity today happens all to often, hence the reason he is an ex.

Quinton plays travel baseball, he tried out, made the team, and absolutely loves the sport of baseball. His world revolves around it, that is how much it means to him, in turn that means our world revolves around it, kinda. However, Daddy wonderful, thinks that it is only important to come when it is convenient to him. To help you understand how unreliable he is, every time the phone rings and it is him Q says "Wonder what his excuse is today?"

So, today the phone rings, it is his weekend to have the kids but because he couldn't manage to be able to get Quinton to his game on Saturday , I switched weekends and have this this weekend. He asks to speak to Q and I give him the phone, I hear "ya", "Uh huh", "why" "ok" "bye" "love you" After he hangs up I ask, whats up. He says well dad won't be at this game he has to take some needy people to the food pantry at the church.


So, to say I am pissed is an understatement! When is this man going to grow up and be the dad these kids need him to be? When are they going to come first? What makes him think that paying child support and coming to an occasional activity makes him super daddy? When is he going to realize that it takes more than being "fun time" daddy to earn their respect?

No Guarantee's

In this last week I have come to realize that there are no guarantee's in this life. Now you may say "Michelle, you are 36 years old and you are just realizing that?" The truth is, I have always "known" it but it kinda kicked me in the ass when a fellow first mom friend found out some things about her daughter and her daughter's adoptive parents. You see, I also had this revelation last year when, after 10 years, I finally found my son and his adoptive parents. How excited I was to find him, yet so sad to find out things weren't as I had hoped and planned for, for him. His adoptive dad passed away in 2003 from a brain tumor and from what I have read via his myspace he and his mom have a shitty relationship. This was a shocker to me, as I also lost my dad in 2000 of a brain tumor. At 36 it was hard for me to handle, I cant imagine at 13 what it did to him, and it breaks my heart to think of it. I placed for 2 reason's and 2 reason's only. 1. Because I wanted my son to be raised in a 2 parent home and 2. Because I didn't have the financial means to raise him alone. 16 years later I can now tell you that those are NOT good enough reasons to place a child. First, he is now without a father figure, in what I feel is the most crucial time to need a dad, he has no relationship with his mom. She is 61 years old, has a new boyfriend and apparently a social life more like a teenager and from what I have seen and read, has no idea what her son is doing ie...having sex with the g/f of3 years, possibly smoking weed and claims to be an atheist which KILLS me. That was something that I talked about deeply with his parents before choosing them, I explained how important I thought it was for my child to have God in his life, they assured me they would raise him in church, it appears that this didn't happen ( I could be wrong and maybe he is now mad at God over the death of his dad, but it hurts to think that she didn't help him keep his faith if in fact he was raised in the church).
His First Father and I went on to marry and have 3 other children, we could have parented him with some direction from someone.

Financially, what a joke that is. It wasn't until I had my 2nd child that I realized that babies don't require a whole lot and there are so many programs out there to help with the things they do require. They don't have to be dressed from "The Gap" and they don't need toys for a while to come, but within a year and half, I could have provided all of those things for him. Not one person ever said " This could be temporary" "Let me help you find the resources to parent" or even "go search here, before making a life altering decision" Instead all I heard was " You are so good to think of the well being of your child" "He will grow up happy and loved", UM, excuse me, he would have been happy and loved with me as well.

So, Nope there are no guarantee's in this life. Life happens, things change, circumstances change and we need to be telling expectant mom's this before we ever even discuss adoption with them.

I love this kid!

This is my last "baby". He will be starting kindergarten this year and he cracks me up! He is the sweetest, funniest kid. Today though, he gave me one of those "proud" mom moments, you know them, the ones that make you want crawl under a table and never come out. Well I guess it wasn't quite that bad since no one but me heard him, however as he said it I instantly thought "Ogmygosh, what if he would have been in school".

So he comes into my room and says "Mom, Quinton just kicked that ball at me and hit me in the nut"
I say" In the what?"
"The nut" he says, I explain to him, of course while trying not to die, that we do not call them nuts, they are private parts. He says" yea that".

Off to try and find Fred , cause I am sure that is where he learned "NUTS" Little do they know, they drive me NUTS...LOL

I have to share this picture of James from vacation Bible School~ He looks like Gilligan.HA!

It is small, cause I am still learning how to do this crap! Hang with me, I will eventually get it.

Baseball!

Tonight was Qman's first playoff game and they lost. We have had such poor coaching this year and it is very frustrating for the kids. We had a coach who favored his kid, thought he was an All Star player and in the end it caused them to lose the playoff game. Now, before you tell me that one kid can not lose the game for an entire team, I know that. I teach my children that it takes a team to win and a team to lose, but honestly the coaches poor decision making caused them to lose the game. His kid is NOT a pitcher, however he continues to allow him to try. I think every child should have the opportunity to do what he wants to do, but I also think it is up to us as parents to see our children's abilities and inabilities and encourage their strengths and help them to be the best they can be at it. To continue to make them to do something they aren't good at only encourages low self esteem. As I continue to think about it as the evening has passed, he still could have pitched without the feeling that he "lost" the game for them, but his dad wanted to try and make him the hero that closed out the game with a win, instead his son allowed so many walks that we ended up losing and he was down on himself for it. *sigh* I am rambling on about a kids baseball game but it just frustrates me when parents live vicariously through their children instead of allowing their children to enjoy being a kid and being what they want to be.

Here I am

Well, here I am. I will make an attempt to get with the blogging world. I hope not to bore you to much. I will talk about many things, adoption, my children, my husband and if you know me, lots of baseball. I have 4 children that I parent and 1 that I placed in a semi-open adoption. 3 of the 4 play baseball and it consumes our life most of the time, so lots to talk about there. My birthson was born in October of 1990 and placed with his parents 2 days later. I will share that story at some point and discuss often the battles I face with being a birthmom. Glad your here!