One of my cyber-sisters and a dear friend is having a rough time with the amom of her bdaughter and has invited some of her cyber friends to write a letter to amom, these will not be sent but it does our heart good to get it out so that we can continue to be supportive of her during these hard times. Others have written some really good letters, I do not write eloquently, but I wanted cyber friend to know that I gave it thought and put it in my words the best I can with her in my mind, so here it is.
Dear AM, There are so many things that I think you need to know about me, things I wish I could have communicated over the phone to you but you were to busy to make the time to do what you said you would do. You have left me no other choice than to tell you in this email what I think you may not know. First, I am here, for life, not for you not for me but for M. This is not about you or me, it is about M. If you will keep M and her best interest at heart at all times, we will have no need to continue having this conversation over and over until she reaches the age in which she can make the decisions on her own, without your negative vibes influencing her. Now that I have reiterated that M is the only one that matters here and that I am not going anywhere, I would like to discuss what it is we are going to do to ensure that M knows that I am a part of her and that I love her and that I will always be here for her in whatever way she needs me to be. You can not be trusted AM, you have proven this to me by your lack of response to the things that are important to me concerning M. The card I sent for her B-day, why did you not acknowledge that? You knew that was important to me, yet you dismissed it as if it were nothing. The busy excuse just doesn't work for me anymore, I am busy as well but I make time for the important things in my life, M is important to me. Did you give her the card? I want this to be her decision, not yours, we have been making decisions for her for 16 years, don't you think it is time she has some input? I was hoping to hear that you handed her the card (as it was for her) and let her choose whether or not she wanted to open it or stuff it in a drawer for a later date, when she was ready, not when you are ready. I am not some stranger that sent a card to your daughter, I am the reason she is yours to begin with and if she sees me as a stranger I can thank you for that. Children learn by example, I hope that M doesn't see how flaky you are through other actions in your life since surely she doesn't know you told me you would call and then were to "busy" to do so. I have dreams and hopes for M, I have had those since the day she was born and I am sure you have to, I just wonder if we have those same hopes and dreams for her? I hope she is happy, loved, secure in who she is and where she came from. I worry that you hope she is happy, loved and remembers who made her who she is and I don't think you include me in these thoughts.
I am sad for how things are turning out, again, not for me, but for M. I hope soon, we can work this all out for M.
Cyber friend and sista~ I love ya and I am so sorry that things are the way they are. Keep being who you are and doing what you do, your love for your daughter shines through it all! (((hugs))