This post is in regards to TG'S Post as I felt that I couldn't really address it there without writing a book. So here we go!
I entered into a semi-open adoption with my birth son's parents for him. NEVER once was it about me, I had no desire to do anymore than sign the papers saying he would be theirs forever. After much talk between the agency and myself, I did decide it would be beneficial to him to have some sort of contact. How would writing to his mom be beneficial? I would keep her informed of the changes in my medical history, I would keep her updated on the things going on in my life, I would send pictures of myself for him to be able to look at over the years, I would be able to let her know where birth father was and how he was doing if the need ever came up because he did NOT want to be a part of their lives, I would be able to let her know that birth son had more siblings as they came along. So you ask, how is that beneficial to him? For one, he would never have to ask "Who do I look like?" He would never have to wonder "Why did she place me?" He would know why he has headaches that have now been diagnosed as Arachnoid cysts, He wouldn't have to spend countless hours and money to search if he so chose to do so and HE would have a say in how much contact we had as he grew up. Yes I suppose in OA he would also have the option of saying "this is to much for me, back off" but I feel that would be much easier to do in a semi-open adoption where it could be done via a letter versus having to sit down and look me in the face and say "I don't want you in my life right now" which IMO would be hard for a kid to do.
As a First mom in what was a Semi-OA, I can tell you, I cried, worried, stressed, got physically ill EVERY TIME I wrote a letter. Was I saying the right thing? Did I overstep my boundaries? Did I include enough info, too much? Can they read through my words how much I care and love him? Do they understand how important all of this is to me? No, I didn't have to physically leave him over and over again, but everytime I sent a letter it was a reminder of what I was missing. Everytime I received a letter about him hitting milestones it was a reminder of what I was missing. I didn't seem him face to face, but it was just as hard to see him through pictures knowing he was growing up without me. Seeing that big boy that he was becoming and knowing I had nothing to do with that, but also knowing that the older he got the more he "might" want to know more about me.
I am rambling, but I can tell you this, I DO NOT CARE what ANYONE in society belives, thinks about OA or Semi-OA but for this MOM it was never about me, not one time!
I am not totally sold on OA, although I know it is working out for some and I think that is great, but even today, 17 years later, I am not sure I could have done it or even would have done it. Maybe someday I will live to regret it, hell maybe I am now.