Friday, July 13, 2007

Are First Mom's Really "Made" to place?

In light of a recent conversation on the forums I belong to, I have been thinking of this all day. I was not forced, per say, to place my son. However, looking back on the events that led me to place, I believe that society made me feel pressured to place. I was not married, I did not have a job, I was young, I was led to believe that money was what it took to be a good mom and to raise a happy child. How wrong those thoughts are! I know love doesn't put food on the table, but there are ways to make sure they are fed, clothed and a roof over there heads. There are services out there for single mom's to make it. You don't have to be wealthy to parent your child, they don't have to have the best of the best. Now I am not saying that we don't obviously want the best of the best for our children, we want (or should want) to be able to provide for our children without the services of the government, but to know that it is temporary help and that most times it is that "extra help" that can really get us on our feet and on our way to parenting our children the way we are conditioned by society to do.

The second issue of the conversation is that "we" as First Parents are blaming our parents, others, for having to place our children. I don't blame anyone except the agencies that these young women go to and are not given adequate info to make an informed choice. I have blogged about this, I have beaten my head against a wall a million times over about this. If agencies were made to tell these girls that X and Y are available to you, that most times financial issues are temporary, that even young girls can make good mom's, that you will grieve, not for a year but possibly for the rest of your life over what you will miss, I believe that we may have less women coming back years after placement regretting what they didn't know, what they weren't informed of.

I made a "choice" I made a "decision" I did it all by myself, I could have made another choice, another decision, but when I went to the only place I knew to get help, I was told "You should consider adoption, it is a wonderful option for you" "He will grow up in a nice home, with a nice family, with everything he needs" "It is nearly impossible for a single young girl to parent a child, unless you put him in daycare and let them raise him".......BLAME? I blame them, the agency for making my choice for me, they painted it rosey, they made me believe I couldn't do it, and made me believe he would have a better life with out me........BULLSHIT!


Michelle said...

I wish I could blame an agency, but alas, I have a lawyer to blame and maybe a friends mom? My mom and I were both naive and did what they said was best, I guess in many ways I blame myself for being that naive. I feel your hurt and your anguish, I feel it like a blade that is forver being turned in my heart of what I could have had today. LOVE YOU!

Michelle said...

Ya know, I really don't want to blame anyone! I take responsibility for my decision and for my actions, however, I fully believe I wouldn't be where I am today had 1 person said "You can do it"

lhjh4 said...

I am the same way.