OK, So I love reading other opinions on adoption and reform. While reading B's blog, I came across this http://www.quietlymothering.com/?cat=28 . This is something I have thought about for many years. She is talking about "parental notification" when a child is considering placement of a child. I think this would be a step in the right direction toward more ethical adoptions.
That brings me to my own situation. I was 19 (an adult, by state law, yet still a scared kid in my heart), facing an unplanned pregnancy, a boyfriend who didn't know his head from a hole in the wall and no family close by. Once the boyfriend and I decided that adoption was something to consider, I called the agency, went alone and discussed it with them. I told them that we had told no one and that b/f never wanted to tell his parents or anyone for that matter. I was afraid to tell my mom for fear that she would want to help me raise him and I wanted a better life for him than one where my mom and I would be arguing over what was best for him and her trying to be mom, etc...I was so confused and really looking back now, I was to overwhelmed to make any life altering decisions at that time. But as I continued to talk to the agency they convinced me that I was doing what was in his best interest and that he deserved the best chance at life that I could give him and adoption was a great option.
Years later it occurred to me that had I gone to my mom, or any family member (or hell, even a friend) I may not be his First Mom and would be his "mommy", but no one encouraged me to tell my family, it was my choice and I was an adult. What they failed to tell me is that without the support of others I didn't make an informed choice rather a hasty decision out of sheer fear and love for my unborn child.
I guess it is a fine line in the world of a 19 year old adult, I am not saying by any means that a woman should need parental permission and no one should be forced to tell anyone that they don't want to tell, but everyone has a right to know there are people out there that may be willing to help and that the fear of the unknown can cause us all to do things we may regret.
So if by chance you are reading this blog and experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, don't hang your head in shame, find some support and make an informed decision, decide if with a little help (sometimes very temporary help) you could and want to raise your child.