This gets so old. Pain is pain, plain and simple. To invalidate someone else's pain to make one feel better does a disservice to all involved. The pain I feel after having my semi-open adoption closed is no more painful than a First mom who has an open adoption with issues. Some may say, well at least an open adoption with issues still means First mom gets to see her child, have communication, mine being closed I get nothing so that must mean my pain is worse. I disagree, I can't feel the pain of the open adoption First mom, I do not walk in her shoes. I acknowledge her pain, empathize with her and just allow her to feel what she feels. In turn, she acknowledges my pain, though she has no idea what my pain feels like, she empathizes and lets me feel what I feel.
How hard is this people? We can all have pain without comparing who's pain is worse. I can only imagine that being infertile must bring some kind of pain for some. I can only imagine that being adopted must bring some kind of pain for some, I will not diminish their pain by trying to convince them that because I hurt they should walk a mile in my shoes and know what real pain is, their pain is real TO THEM, and that is all that matters.
We need to find more compassion in this world, we do. I don't want to feel an adoptive mother's pain, I don't want to feel an adoptee's pain and I wouldn't wish my pain on any one of them. What I do want, I want to acknowledge them, lift them up when I can, give a hug and tell them I don't live their pain but I wish good things for them. WWJD?